[There's so much fear in Eponine's voice. She knows how much she's messed up but she doesn't really understand why Greyson was so cross with her. She knows she must change but she honestly doesn't understand how. She wants to make choices but every choice she's ever made of her own free will has been the wrong one. Eponine wants so desperately to fit in that she's actually scared of making mistakes and getting it wrong again.]
I don't know how to turn off the voices. They are so loud, Ma'am. I'm not being difficult, truly I don't mean to be, Ma'am, but I don't know how. I don't know none of this. What if I'm wrong? What if I make the wrong decision? Ma'am, I don't know how to do what you ask. Please don't be cross with me. I'm sorry, so, so sorry Ma'am. I don't mean to be bad. I am sorry.
That's not really uncommon. It takes awhile for us to know what we want.
[Fear had to be faced, though it was easier to say that than actually manage. It sometimes took the worst happening to remove fear, not something she was sure should happen to Eponine. She was already at her lowest. This was progress.]
You're not bad for feeling this way, Eponine. That's a natural response. You're going to make mistakes and choose wrong, but it's what you do afterwards that matters. If you keep trying, even after the mistake, you'll be the better for it.
[She could tell Kosem about the mistake she’s quite sure she’s making in blackmailing Kate or in stealing Daphne’s jewels… but she can’t. She knows Kosem will be furious with her. Her dominant might even march her off to the People Zoo herself, a fate Eponine would hate.]
I don’t know what to do, Ma’am. I don’t even know how to find something nice about myself, you know?
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[It was hard to put to words what love felt like, but it was a start.]
I'll help you, however I can. You decide what you want, that's important.
no subject
[There's so much fear in Eponine's voice. She knows how much she's messed up but she doesn't really understand why Greyson was so cross with her. She knows she must change but she honestly doesn't understand how. She wants to make choices but every choice she's ever made of her own free will has been the wrong one. Eponine wants so desperately to fit in that she's actually scared of making mistakes and getting it wrong again.]
I don't know how to turn off the voices. They are so loud, Ma'am. I'm not being difficult, truly I don't mean to be, Ma'am, but I don't know how. I don't know none of this. What if I'm wrong? What if I make the wrong decision? Ma'am, I don't know how to do what you ask. Please don't be cross with me. I'm sorry, so, so sorry Ma'am. I don't mean to be bad. I am sorry.
no subject
[Fear had to be faced, though it was easier to say that than actually manage. It sometimes took the worst happening to remove fear, not something she was sure should happen to Eponine. She was already at her lowest. This was progress.]
You're not bad for feeling this way, Eponine. That's a natural response. You're going to make mistakes and choose wrong, but it's what you do afterwards that matters. If you keep trying, even after the mistake, you'll be the better for it.
I've made my own.
no subject
[She could tell Kosem about the mistake she’s quite sure she’s making in blackmailing Kate or in stealing Daphne’s jewels… but she can’t. She knows Kosem will be furious with her. Her dominant might even march her off to the People Zoo herself, a fate Eponine would hate.]
I don’t know what to do, Ma’am. I don’t even know how to find something nice about myself, you know?